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    The second pressing of Fully Fledged Fraud, pink vinyl! One minor track alteration to the original as well! Gatefold, track information on the inside and all lyrics on record sleeve to boot.

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about

Ok, good luck with this one. This is the best thing I've ever written I think, it's the truest and most meaningful as well. Bit of a black hole for the album to drop into at this point but we'll get out of it. This was written in three sections of time, I started it before my Dad went into a home, got close to finishing when he was put into care, and finished it after he passed. It's raw and put me in tears multiple times while writing and listening back, writing it was extremely cathartic and really helped me with the grief. Dementia is such a strange bastard because unlike a lot of "terminal" illnesses there isn't really a defined point of grief and in my head I was totally lost without realising I was at points. He was a great dude and I miss him every day but his actual death was one of the best bits about the whole abhorrent journey to be honest, as it finally gave us closure. Prior to that we were just observing the human mind decay rapidly, a soul leaving a body while the body remained fundamentally alive. My thoughts are with anyone who has gone through this, it's fucking shit.
I told a lie before, this beat is actually from 2011 as well. Crazy year that. Not sure how I came across this Bobby McFerrin and Chick Corea re-imagining of Mozart's work but it's very pretty and despite only really being known for "Don't Worry Be Happy" Bobby McFerrin is a crazily talented dude. I've done very little with the track since first recording over it, I could have been tempted to add this or that but I wanted to keep it completely stripped down and empty. It's strange to think that I made this beat, and it's pretty much stayed the same, before my Dad had even been diagnosed with dementia.

lyrics

I made promises to keep the vibes positive/
And obviously don't wanna slip/
But also want to offer this knowledge that I've recently gained/
I felt this beat could retain/
Enough bitter sweet to help me reach in my brain/
Long and short is, I've bin a ghost since my Dad's diagnosis/
It wasn't something that I had to try and cope with/
He forgot a few things but on the most it/
Just seemed like old age, loss of focus, nothing hopeless/
A man of his doubts, stopped doing the family accounts/
Which was only weird cos his maths was renowned/
And if his patience had have run out he'da handed it down/
So it was difficult to see if he had planned it all out/
And this was like three years after he'd coached me to a first in maths/
I saw Uni as a worthless task, but he took the work on stats/
Re-learned that crap, and helped me understand it so I got my first year passed/
So 09 he was sharp enough to teach at degree level/
By 2012 basic finance seemed dreadful/
And a man who read several books in a month/
Was struggling to remember and retain characters, plots and that stuff/
A turning point came when he was admitted to hospital/
Complaining of severe pain, abdominal/
They couldn't find a problem but he was often confused and unsure/
Convinced people were plotting against him on the ward/
And when he got home he was normal for a bit, nothing, much differed/
Though he stopped cooking, he'd still do the dishes/
And listen to the radio or read a magazine/
Or faff around with a computer game he loved an RPG/
My Mum decided they should move while he was still with it/
So they up sticks and move in with my sister, till they could finish/
On a purchase of a house if you know where Nantwich is/
Down-sizing and near family has its advantages/
And I'd take a trip from Yorkshire on a weekend/
He could definitely see sense/
We watched Saturday's Match of the Day and we'd then/
Head out to walk Herbie by the river/
Go through the town and by the church and back in time for dinner/
This lasted a year and a bit, until times when he would just sit/
Watch the football, just staring at it/
Repeated questions that didn't need answering/
And didn't really know who was playing or what was happening/
I remember the last sense he made about football was complaining that people always try to take a shot from outside the box/
But Alzheimer’s was having its way with him...his profound mind was fog/
And…I was lost/
Dealt with it by not dealing with it, not talking to no-one/
Me and Ange argued daily, could have lost her and so on/
I'd take something out of context, make myself the victim/
Hate myself and kicked in the door to my kitchen/
No patience, people came for band practice and such/
And I'd be madder than fuck, acting up, getting aggy and stuff/
People asking for favours would make me angry enough/
To shout at em, you called with questions I would hang up/
I tried to cure this disease I tried to cure it with sleep/
I tried to cure it with drinking, I tried to cure it with weed/
And it was only time and writing music that got me through this/
I apologised for being like it they said "don't be stupid"/
And now I'm avoiding seeing him, cos it does me no good/
My Mum called me a coward, it was justified but/
He's safe in a care home, he's being well looked after/
And doesn't know who I am, and I don't want him to have to/
But seeing him in that state, I don't want the lasting image/
I don't want to remember that, I want the mathematician/
The man who introduced me to jazz and Bradford City/
Who nurtured my interest in rap and played Madden with me/
He wasn't perfect and neither am I/
Last time I saw him I looked him in the eye/
And wished he would just die/
He's not suffering but he has no need for his life/
His brain's in pieces that he cannot find/
And the only thing he still seems to enjoy is eating at night/
At least he did until they couldn't feed him alright/
And he managed 5 days without a drink or even a bite/
And after that he seemed to peacefully die//

credits

from Fully Fledged Fraud (better price on ExP​.​uk), released July 1, 2019
Contains samples from:
"Piano Concerto No. 23 in A Major, K. 488: Prelude - I" on Bobby McFerrin & Chick Corea's "The Mozart Sessions" - 1996

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ExP Leeds, UK

West Yorkshire based hip-hop musician from Flame Griller & Tough Crowd

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