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Lean Self Esteem

from Support Bubble by ExP

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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    ExP's album "Support Bubble" on gatefold vinyl with printed inner sleeve

    Includes unlimited streaming of Support Bubble via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    ExP's album on digipak CD with 16 page booklet

    Includes unlimited streaming of Support Bubble via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

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about

My piece on mental health, probably long overdue as subject matter on an album of mine. I mention that me and the NHS therapist parted ways and didn’t “get into the details”. It was probably the right call at the time but fundamentally, I didn’t get any better, and did end up seeking private therapy which got me back on track somewhat. I’m privileged to have been able to afford to pay for my mental health privately where others are being let down by a system that doesn’t really allow them to get quick, effective, free therapy. We all need therapy I’m afraid to say, life is utterly overwhelming. And if you don’t find it overwhelming you might be a sociopath which isn’t good either.

lyrics

Nobody's more equal than you
Nobody's worth more to more people than you
If the whole world won’t ever see what you do
Then it's easy for you to always feel like you do and
Nobody's more equal than me
Nobody's worth more to more people than me
If the whole world won’t ever see what I've been through
It's easy for me to lose my lean self esteem too

How's your mental health? Mine's a mess as well
Are you hoping to wing it or are you getting help?
How are your friends doing? You can never tell
The one who smiles the most could be the next that fell
I've had some friends that felt: life had got too much
And two took their life, they lost their fight because
The darkness of self-hatred overtook the light of love
Sometimes I have to thank the universe and skies above
Cos if Ange hadn't been around when the times were tough
I might have just done something that I would judge
As extremely irrational and a waste of a chance
To observe the universe and the greatness it has
Cos it's a miracle, we simply shouldn't be here
And we're making sure we won't be in a hundred-ish years
But despite conservatives and your perceived worthlessness
If you're suicidal, please try to see alternatives cos
Nobody's more equal than you
Nobody's worth more to more people than you
If the whole world won’t ever see what you do
Then it's easy for you to always feel like you do and
Nobody's more equal than me
Nobody's worth more to more people than me
If the whole world won’t ever see what I've been through
It's easy for me to lose my lean self esteem too

I went through my worst time when my Dad was declining
Took me ages to realise my mind wan't surviving
The people closest to me were kinda advising
That I should speak to someone so, fine, I got dialling
Got the NHS on the phone, the person who took the call
Was incredible, the first who I told it all
And I bawled my eyes out, they seemed really concerned
And took my details so I could then be referred
So I felt better for doing it, but the problem is
That was just the tip of an iceberg of a lot of shit
And the NHS is stretched, and didn't reach out for months
By which time I had worked through most of the stuff
I turned up to the appointment - we agreed there wasn't reason
To get into the details since I was feeling decent
But those months they couldn't fit me in were shitty in my brain
And I understand how some people just want to end the pain man

Nobody's more equal than you
Nobody's worth more to more people than you
If the whole world won’t ever see what you do
Then it's easy for you to always feel like you do and
Nobody's more equal than me
Nobody's worth more to more people than me
If the whole world won’t ever see what I've been through
It's easy for me to lose my lean self esteem too

Some see me as confident and full of the joys of spring
Other times as moody and I've never got a grin
Usually depends on if I've let the noises in
The voices speaking negatives are often poisoning
Sometimes it's as simple as having a joint and gin
Chatting to the missus to express the pointless thing
That's got me wound up, I've found love has always saved my skin
Build barriers from my madness but they get destroyed again
Everything can be fine...except in my mind
I can't control it or solve it, and then there were times
When it has led to me lying in a bed before night
Hoping to wake the other side and I've slept through the shite
But there's no guarantees, we're advanced chimpanzees
Monkey brain trying to keep us safe, but always chatting breeze
Go find some trees, sky or sea, try to not dwell
The bastards'll grind you down so be kind to yourself man

Nobody's more equal than you
Nobody's worth more to more people than you
If the whole world won’t ever see what you do
Then it's easy for you to always feel like you do and
Nobody's more equal than me
Nobody's worth more to more people than me
If the whole world won’t ever see what I've been through
It's easy for me to lose my lean self esteem too

credits

from Support Bubble, released June 3, 2023
Featuring Angela "Bellisful" Goodwin on vocals & Steve Ling on bass/guitar
Contains samples from:
“I'll Just Write My Music (And Sing My Songs)” on Lena Martel’s “Songs Of Life” - 1982

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ExP Leeds, UK

West Yorkshire based hip-hop musician from Flame Griller & Tough Crowd

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